Everyone is a Critic

My interesting encounter with a 'know it all' diner.

After thoughtfully offering her critique on how we might improve the recipes on every course, even the cocktails, I delivered the entrees. The order was very simple: a broiled steak with salt and pepper, cooked medium rare, split with her companion, and no side dishes or vegetables. All the less for her to offer 'recommendations' to the chef, or so I thought. After delivering and splitting the steak tableside I checked back to see that everything was just as they had ordered. She responded, "Everything is absolutely FABULOUS!!!" I thought to myself, "Wow.....Really?". I tried to scurry away before she could interject. Just as I turned my shoulder to walk away came the inevitable, "But.....". It was as if she had pulled my entire frame around in some sort of a tractor beam that I could not escape despite my best efforts. I turned to inquire about her "But...", she continued, "Well the steak is perfect, but...the Filet cut of beef is usually sooooo tender you almost don't even need a knife. I know because I watch Iron Chef so I'm used to analyzing food and breaking down flavors so I know what I'm talking about." After she pulled the iron chef card I caught myself starring at her with a stunned look of shock and awe as if she had just disclosed that she has a fetish for middle aged midget Mongolian troglodytes. I let her continue at great length her mediocre knowledge of bovine anatomy. After she concluded her thesis of perfecting broiled prime aged beef I interrupted her,"Miss you are exactly correct, the Filet is the most tender cut of beef and will melt in your mouth like butter every time..... However you have ordered the Ribeye this evening. Would you like for me to bring you a Filet, or did you intend to order the Ribeye cut? She declined my offer as well as any further suggestions as to how the chef might 'improve' upon the dishes.

Crabcakes......To Go!!!!

Here is our newest entry, and I think worthy of sharing! Think you can top it? Send me your story and let readers from Tables decided.

"A business party of three, two gentlemen wearing suits, and a woman in business attire. To set the stage, they have ordered a bottle of wine, apps have just been dropped and they had already placed their entree orders. Crabcakes, apparantly did not agree with the older of the two men, who then rushed off to the restroom. Lets just say he didn't make it. Between the two bathrooms, we have a nice foyer of laid tile, covered in crabcake projectile. A server alerts me to a foul smell coming from that area so I investigate... I proceed to throw a tablecloth over said vomit, and get a wet floor sign, just before three of the prettiest ladies in the restaurant walk up to use the restroom, smell the perfume of fresh puke, see me with puke n my hands, and turn around. As soon as that was wiped enough so that no diced peppers were to be found, I decided to open the restroom door....mistake. The party of three got their food to go, and left rapidly. Someone once told me, that the test of a good manager, is that they will do the hardest, worst work in the restaurant, willingly. I proved myself to be that person, with the table from last night."

Dancing in the Dark

This story was too good to not share! Last night a co-worker, after returning from the restroom (and washing their hands for the full 20 seconds with warm soapy water per CDC) returned to the dinning floor to wrap a guests food to go. After efficiently clearing the table said co-worker went to reach in their pocket to grab their tool to remove crumbs from the table cloth. Although my co-worker could feel the tool in their apron pocket they could not manage to find the opening for the apron pocket. After vigorously searching, whilest hunching over to visually examine the obstruction said co-worker realized that they had put their apron on backwards, and had for the past 30 seconds been (with both hands mind you) rubbing all over their pelic area while at the same time hunching over with a look of extreme confusion and concentration. Not to mention the self prescribed genital exam was provided tableside! Kudos to my co-worker for bringing back the flare of tableside service! Now if we could only bring that enthusiasm to the presentation of a Baked Alaska, Cherries Jubilee, or insert your own terrible old pun here.

WHY?

Why start a blog you might ask? I wanted to create an online space that resembled the many after hours bars that those of us who work in hospitality could gather together to share both our triumphs and defeats. I wish this site to be more than just a bitch fest for the indifferent, but rather a place in which we who are more manipulated by the general public than the lips of a desperate housewife can encourage each other, and share in our collective passion for food, drink, and life!